Superman Unveiled

What you are about to read is the true, untold story of the god the world has come to know as Superman. There are many things that must be cleared regarding this "man," much lore and superstition that must be debunked if we ever hope to grasp his true identity and nature. The first fable that must be put to bed, is the notion that Superman is an alien from Krypton, a fiction clearly made up to protect his actual identity. You see his story is real, and that is why it has been told, this is why you think you know it. However not unlike witnesses whose identity is closely guarded and kept secret for their own safety and wellbeing, so is the real Superman cloaked under the guise of comic books, myth and legend. Because your whole life you've been taught that he is an extraterrestrial from Krypton, you automatically dismiss his story as a farce and mission accomplished, all suspicion is nullified. This does not mean that he came to be via the womb of a terrestrial, which is also not the case. No, the real Superman was forged in the hellfire of Hades, wrought by the molten lava of the underworld and birthed by a spewing volcano. Out of respect for his privacy, the particular volcano that brought Superman into this world will remain nameless. Now that you know he's not an alien, let's discuss his real name. It's not Kal-El. No, Superman's real name (and for the record, he's going to kill me when he finds out I gave it away), is Magnus Janusian. Magnus comes from the Latin term for "great," and Janusian from the Roman god Janus, the two-faced deity. So who named him? The question naturally follows... well, who names anyone? His parents. "But," you object, "didn't you just say that Superman was 'wrought by hellfire in the depths of the earth?'" Well yes, but this does not mean he didn't have parents. To be accurate, he had a creator, not exactly what you and I would consider "parents."But we'll come back to this later on, in the story. For now all you need to know are the verifiable facts of Superman's existence, which we'll zip through quickly, here. Magnus came to earth as a child and aged until he reached his first twenty-seven years, then stopped aging. That was three thousand years ago. There is a kryptonite of sorts that proves his only weakness, but as you can guess by now - it's not quite the substance you had believed. No, the real Superman's true kryptonite is his own cynicism and self-doubt. You see, over the course of three thousand years, he's had every opportunity in the book to exploit his godlike powers, and that's precisely what he has done. He's been emperor so many times, to so many different people, that he's positively sick of it all by now. He's had his fun. It's not unlike a kid at the arcade with an unlimited supply to tokens... sooner or later, even the most exciting games become boring and wearisome, it's simply no fun if you know you can afford to die a thousand times and simply come back for more. And this is where we meet Magnus once more, bored to death and jaded to tears with his unlimited supply of tokens. Oh, and for the record... he currently goes by the name James Ironsmith, he had to shed "Clark Kent" for obvious reasons.